To Quit or Not to Quit, That is the Question!

As a parent – you probably don’t want to let your kids quit, but it can become quite a struggle. There are some things you should know first, in order to make the right decision for your children.

• When students talk about quitting music lessons, what they really to quit is practicing. If the kids put the energy into just going ahead and doing the job instead of complaining about it, results would be dramatically different!
• Although each student is different, generally it takes about eight years of lessons for students to become independent learners. If a student quits then, he or she will still be able to play piano throughout life. So many quit before this point, and those are the adults who you always hear saying “I wish I didn’t quite piano.” and “I wish I could still play.”
• The breakthrough usually comes after a low point. It’s hard, it’s impossible, it’s torturous and then suddenly it’s amazing and wonderful! You wouldn’t want to stop before you reap the rewards would you?

Now that you know, Follow these Guidelines:

Don’t give in too quickly

While letting your kid quit may seem easier, beware. It may teach him it’s OK to quit or take the easy way out. If you let your child quit too quickly, he’ll never have the chance to experience success. (And weathering a bit of disappointment can actually help kids.) Try to postpone quitting: Encourage your kid to keep at it (at least a bit longer). Negotiate: “Stick with the cello until the end of the year, and you can be on the soccer team this summer.” Refuse without guilt: “Sorry, that was your commitment, you’re stuck with it.”

Start with the right expectations

Parents who want their kids to stick with a task set the right expectations. Consider these 5 factors:

1. Kid factor. Is what I’m expecting something my child is interested in or shows a talent for, or is it something I want more for myself? Who is pushing whom?
2. Time factor. Does my child have enough time to devote to practicing? Don’t overload! Beware, many tweens want to quit if there isn’t enough time for friends. A University of Maryland study found that over the past 20 years the amount of time children ages nine to 12 spend participating in structured sports has increased by 35 percent.
3. Challenge factor. Is my child developmentally ready for the tasks I’m expecting, or am I pushing him beyond his internal timetable? The best expectations are realistic but also gently stretch your child “one step more.”
4. Teacher or coach factor. Is the coach or teacher skilled and tuned in to kids? Benjamin Bloom’s study of 120 immensely talented (and successful) individuals (in such fields as science, swimming, art and music) found that the first teacher was critical.
5. Worth it factor. Is this activity commitment worth the time, finances and energy for both my child and our family?

-Dr. Michele Borba, Educational Psychologist