The information in the section comes from two renowned psychologists. Dr. Michele Borba and Dr. Susan Bartell.
Michele Borba is an educational psychologist who frequently contributes to TODAY. A former classroom teacher, she has written 23 books; her latest is “The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.”
Dr. Susan Bartell, a nationally recognized psychologist, consultant and multi-award winning author.
Borba on Quitting:
Perseverance often makes the critical difference between whether kids succeed or fail. Will they have the inner strength to keep on, or be plagued by self-defeat, unwilling to give it their best shot?
Children who learn to bounce back and not let setbacks get them down have gained a valuable skill for life. If our children are to succeed in this competitive world, they must learn to hang in there and not quit. The good news? Research shows parents can build “stick-to-it-ness” by adopting simple, proven strategies.
Bartell on Quitting:
Children often give up quickly when success isn’t easy or immediate. This is because learning to push through frustration to find success can be a tough fought battle. However, if you allow your child to give in to uncomfortable feelings that make him want to quit, you communicate that that hard work and perseverance aren’t important. In fact, by not pushing your child, you deny him the opportunity to learn to cope with frustration, and eventually he will stop trying at anything.
By allowing your child to give up, you also communicate that you don’t believe she is capable of succeeding. Therefore, if you allow your child to quit, she will never learn how to manage frustration and she will become a quitter.
There are exceptions (like a verbally abusive teacher), but in general, you should require your child to see an activity through to the end (finish the season; complete the school year). At a natural conclusion, you can decide whether it is in your child’s best interest to allow him to move to another activity, or whether pushing him to persevere (despite protest) is warranted.
Be a Good Role Model
Show your kids you don’t give up on a task even when things get difficult. Before starting a new task, make sure your child overhears you say, “I’m going to persevere, until I am successful.” Modeling the trait is always the No. 1 teaching method, so consciously tune up perseverance in your behavior. Create a family motto when it comes to perseverance such as: “Winners never quit, quitters never win,” “We finish what you started,” or “The Smiths don’t give up!” When you live by a family motto of commitment, your children will be more likely to use it when facing a challenge and less likely to quit.
Instill a “Growth Mindset”
Research shows that kids who persist and excel recognize that success comes from hard work and practice, not luck or money or genetics. In fact, if kids believe that performance is due to effort, they will be less likely to give up and will work harder when the going gets tough. Use real examples — folks such as Jerry Rice, Pele, Vanessa and Serena Williams, Tiger Woods and Lance Armstrong — who reached the top because of hours and hours of practice. Teach your kid the 10,000-Hour Rule: “Did you know that studies found that the best artists, musicians, swimmers and skaters practiced at least 10,000 hours, or ten years, to reach their success? Success is all a matter of how hard you work.”