“It was practice time and he said he wasn’t practicing. I said he was.
He said, “I’m quitting.”
So my son practices every day. I have never met a family who did not have arguments between the mom and the kid while the kid was young and learning an instrument. So a lot of the Suzuki Method is the mom learning how to fight about practicing without making the kid hate music.
My son has been playing since he was three years old. The test to know if a kid is ready to learn to play a violin is if the kid can stand in one place and sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
The the kid spends a year learning how to play the song. I’m not kidding. A string instrument is incredibly difficult. Just learning how to hold the bow takes a three-year-old a few months.
My son is nine. So we’ve had six years of fights. And now I’m writing this blog every day, where I tell everyone how great it is that we un-school and kids can teach themselves and kids know what they’re passionate about. It’s hard to align the Suzuki Method with un-schooling. I’ll admit that.
I told him I’m considering it and he should give me time to think.
This is exciting to him because I have told him for as long as he can remember that he can quit when he’s in high school, and he only recently realized that he’s not going to go to high school so there is no quitting opportunity on the distant horizon.
He said he’s quitting now. I said he’s practicing now.
He said he’d only practice if I pay him. I ignored that.
We were staying with my friend Lisa, at her apartment. She said to him, “You should go play in Central Park. Open up your case. See if people put money in.” My son got excited.
She said she read in the New York Times that the amount of money you get depends a lot on how good your sign is. He said, “I’ll write: Violinist. Please pay me.” Lisa said, “No. That’s not going to work. It needs to be clever. Like you’re asking them to pay you but with something clever.”
We all thought for a minute and Lisa said, “How about I told my mom I’m quitting violin and she said people would like hearing me play. If you like hearing me play, put money in my case.”
My son said. “No. I don’t want that. I don’t want to tell people I’m quitting. I worked too hard at violin to quit. Let’s just ask them for money.”
I wanted to jump for joy and kiss my son and kiss Lisa and kiss the world that my son does not really want to quit. But I played it cool. I said, ‘Okay.’ “
http://education.penelopetrunk.com/2012/05/21/what-happened-when-i-let-my-son-quit-violin/
“This weekend, my 19-year-old son drove 10 hours with his college club team to play in a tournament in a sport that, many mid-seasons ago during his childhood, he begged to quit. He had sent text messages about how great being on this team has been and how much he has enjoyed playing.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/grown-and-flown/quitting_b_2162195.html
“My husband and I started piano at very young ages, and continued through. I wanted to stop when I was a teen, and begged my Mom to let me take flute. She refused, saying she knew I had talent in music. She let my sister take up violin and my brother take up trumpet, but she glued me to piano. And you know what? After awhile I rallied and grew to become more and more passionate about piano. Now I am SO thankful she didn’t let me quit, even though it was a struggle for her.
So I guess I’m saying all that to say that most times the parents are the ones who know best.“
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/grown-and-flown/quitting_b_2162195.html
“As soon as my son announced that he was “tired” of violin and wanted to stop playing, I realized that there was no way I was going to let him quit.
Part of it was how I felt every time I heard an adult friend lament about the day she gave up playing the piano … the violin … the flute … the clarinet. “If only my parents hadn’t let me quit!” was the common complaint. Isn’t hating your musical instrument part of growing up?
I was also worried that as my son grew older and showed more of an interest in— and aptitude for—soccer, his well-rounded, inquisitive nature might be sacrificed in the name of sports. Precisely because sports are cool and violin—well not so much. I feared that he might emerge from adolescence a one-dimensional adult.
It was also around this time I read Michelle Obama’s list of parenting rules for her daughters. These include having them play two sports each, one they picked and one she chose for them, precisely because she wanted them to learn how to work harder at things they found difficult.
I found myself agreeing with Mrs. Obama. There’s a real value in old-fashioned perseverance. And with all the talk of “life skills” these days, I don’t think it’s a bad idea for children to start learning the value of commitment early on, even when they find something onerous.
I’m not saying that I make my kids follow through on every single thing they’ve started. French lessons for my daughter came and went. My son was excited by drama for awhile. And then he wasn’t. But he’s been playing violin for six years now and he’s actually pretty good. To give up now would be to turn his back on a huge investment of time, money, and effort over the years, all for something I’m fairly certain he’ll regret, if not now, then later on.
I guess I’ve come around to the view that there’s a certain “eat your spinach” quality to parenting. As parents, we aren’t always right, but we are there to help our children see the value in things that they might not be old enough—or mature enough—to appreciate in the moment.
I hope that one day my kids will thank me for not letting them give up too easily.”
http://www.brainchildmag.com/2014/01/should-you-let-your-child-quit/