Few things are more frustrating than investing your time and money in an instrument and lessons for your child only to hear weeks later that they’ve changed their mind and don’t want to continue.
If your child tells you that they don’t want to continue with music lessons or if you sense that their motivation is slipping, you can take action. Read on to get help and advice before you let your child quit!
1. Change up the repertoire!
What music does your child listen to on a regular basis? Find music that excites your child, and try that! Tell the teacher too – I’m sure they will do their best to find a piece your kids can play. People of all ages love to learn songs they know and already enjoy, so it’s a great place to start. (This doesn’t mean entirely giving up on the other material the teacher thinks the student needs to become a good little musician… it all goes together!)
2. Practice – they HAVE to!
If your child never practices, they will not get better at their instrument. Playing the same song every week will cause your child to become bored or frustrated with their instrument. Can you imagine your child coloring the same page of a coloring book or watching the same episode of a cartoon everyday. You will give them a great gift if you help them understand that practicing is like homework, it’s non-negotiable. You don’t have a to be a “Tiger-mom” . Just remember, ANY practice is better than NO practice!
**If you need help with the practicing issue (and if you don’t yet, you will…) Check out the other course Practice: The Eternal Struggle, it’s all about how to help get your child to practice!
3. Inspiration!
Sometimes kids need to see other children doing the same thing as them, so occasionally I’ll show them a video of another kid totally rocking an instrument. It’s not often they see someone their age playing a piece that is impressive, thought-provoking or emotional! It helps your child see that they, too, can express their uniqueness to the world through music! Upon seeing a talented kid, students (some of the boys, especially) are driven by competition to do better in their own practice and performance (this is ok)! Another idea is to have your kid go out and be a street performer for a morning – well if they have an instrument they can take on the road. It’s way better than a lemonade stand, AND they will see how much fun it is to play for people. Check out our page with parent stories and experiences to read a mother’s blog of a child who wanted to quit and did EXACTLY this! CLICK HERE (It’s the first parent “story”)
4. Give them opportunities to show off!
Recitals can be a great place for your child to show off and for them to get some inspiration! Beginners are inspired by the more advanced students… and the more advanced students are encouraged by the beginners! There are more outlets than just recitals. Children can participate in school or community talent shows, make bands with friends or even perform on their own for friends family, or on the street! If you know they love music, but play a traditionally solitary instrument like piano, consider having them pick up a woodwind or brass instrument and join the school band. They will love this!
5. Try a different teacher.
It’s true – you need the right teacher for your kids. Everyone child is different and so is every teacher, so make sure the right dynamic is there. Consider a new teacher if you think their standards are unreasonable (either too high or too low.) Find out as much as you can from your child about the relationship to help you determine if a teacher switch might be what you need, and also ask the teacher about their honest opinion.
If your current teacher is a true professional, they’ll gladly tell you if it might be a good idea to try a new teacher, and they won’t take it personally. We as teachers want our students to continue, no matter what. We already know how awesome music is, so we ALWAYS, always want to see our students stick with it. Your teacher may even have a suggestion of another quality teacher that would be better suited for your child.
6. Try a different instrument.
Maybe your child isn’t a piano player! Maybe they are guitarist! Or a singer! A lot of music theory & note reading translates easily from one instrument to another, especially if the instruments are in the same clef. If your child was taking piano lessons they can switch to almost any other instrument without having to learn new notes.
Allowing your child to switch instruments can be a wonderful option, as long as they don’t ask to switch every few months. I’d recommend to make sure your child develops the necessary skills to successfully pursue their 1st instrument beyond an introductory phase before switching to another – it does take a little time, but it can also be a goal – “Finish the year and then let’s see if you want to switch.” (but then stick it out!)
Chase Nelson, now a 24-year-old in California and an accomplished violinist, said, “My parents didn’t compromise regarding my quitting, but I always had the option of switching instruments. I moved from guitar to drums (the cool instruments) before returning to violin, an instrument with which I had accomplished quite a bit. I couldn’t be more thankful that my parents kept me in music. A video of myself playing violin was what eventually got me accepted at my college of choice.
**This can be tricky though -If the child at home tells you “I want to quit” but the teacher notices how much the child enjoys their lessons, they don’t really want to quit!
7. Sibling Rivalry?
OK – so this is quite unique and only applies to families with multiple kids in lessons, but it’s quite common. Usually one child starts, then later the parents sign up the brothers or sisters for the same lessons. Some siblings do NOT want to compete with their brother or sisters. Sometimes so much so that they would rather quit than have to play the same instrument – EVEN if they love it.
Some brothers and sisters are great and love doing everything together – so this advice isn’t for you lucky parents. You have to remember all your children are different, with different natural talents and some really feel a need to “compete”. If you have one child who just picks up their instrument like it was nothing, and the other who really has to put in extra effort to get at the same level, it can be very discouraging. If you have your kids play different instruments, it’s easy to deal with any issues that come up. If Bobby is amazing at piano and never gets frustrated, saying “it’s easy” all the time and Susie is the opposite, you are going to have a serious melt down in the future. If Susie is playing guitar – you can get around issues by saying “The guitar is completely different, it’s harder to learn.”
You know your children best, so just be on the lookout for situations like this!
8. Buddy System
I remember playing my clarinet with friends in band when I first started out, and I really enjoyed that. It certainly made practicing more bearable. It’s a great idea to try to find friends who are studying the same instrument, so your child doesn’t feel like the Lone Ranger of the Cello. Ask the teacher if they have any students in mind that might also be interested in playing with more kids. Playing in ensembles — duos, trios, quartets — is great fun, and provides the social factor many kids crave.
9. Ask Why and Really Listen
The most important thing you can do is really listen to what’s happening in your child’s life that is making them want to quit. Do they feel shy or insecure about learning something new? Are they frustrated because learning music is more work than they thought? Let your child know that what they are feeling is completely normal. It’s normal to be nervous when trying something new, and everyone goes through bouts of frustration when taking on a challenge. You can share times you felt the same, but with perseverance you eventually succeeded. Then tell them how great THAT felt. 🙂
10. Get Involved!
Parents need to get involved in a positive way. This means of course helping them to set practice schedules with no distractions, but it also means reminding them they don’t have to be the next Beethoven. Let your children know you want them to have the joy of making music and remind them that quitting music is something they will deeply regret later on. Quitting is a BIG decision and one many people regret for the rest of their lives. After all, I’ve never heard an adult say “I’m so glad my mom let me quit piano!”
-Elizabeth Farrell
Sources: http://missamaryah.com/2013/03/30/so-your-child-wants-to-quit-music-lessons/
http://www.greatschools.org/parenting/teaching-values/1077-should-you-let-your-child-quit.gs?page=all
http://www.parentmap.com/article/music-magic-keeping-your-tween-involved-and-in-sync-
http://www.ourwhiskeylullaby.com/2013/10/dont-quit-now-keep-your-kid-motivated.html#.U7Pox5S4yu